Thursday, 2 October 2014

60 Things a Woman Should Never Do.

  1. Wear second hand pan’ties.
  2. Tell another woman, “You don’t look that fat.
  3. Believe a man who is not making eye contact but says, “Go ahead, I’m listening.”
  4. Get a tramp stamp.
  5. Date one of your girlfriend’s exes.
  6. Expect your relationships to be anything like a romantic comedy.
  7. Take advice from Oprah’s latest guru.
  8. Be rude to a waiter.
  9. Let anyone mentally, physically, or verbally abuse you.
  10. Apply eye makeup while driving and/or stopped in traffic.
  11. Ask your man, “Do you think she looks prettier than me?” (He doesn’t. He really, really doesn’t.)
  12. Eat garlic, spinach, or corn on the cob on a first date.
  13. Wear makeup to bed.
  14. Attend a wedding looking better than the bride. Or dressed in White.
  15. Apologize for being modest or chaste.
  16. Date a man you are not crazy in-love with.
  17. Let a girlfriend who has been drinking go anywhere with a man she just met.
  18. Take off your clothes anyplace someone has a camera or video recording device.
  19. Keep a stuffed animal on your bed after the age of sixteen.
  20. Get on the back of a motorcycle with a man who is younger than your dad.
  21. Ignore signs of cancer in the hopes that it will just go away.
  22. Settle down with a “bad boy.” You can play with one but don’t marry him.
  23. Refuse to tell a man what you really want for your birthday and then be disappointed by the gift you receive.
  24. Provide financial support for a man who is not disabled or completing his education.
  25. Go more than six months without gossiping with your mum.
  26. Agree to be on a reality show with the words, “Tujuane”, “Big Brother”, Real Housewives” or “Bachelor,” in the title.
  27. Dig your key into the side of his pretty little souped up four wheel drive, carve your name into his leather seat, take a Louisville slugger to both head lights, and slash a hole in all four tires.
  28. Expect a man to understand why you like Gold and diamonds.
  29. Limit your Bible reading to the verses in your self-help oriented devotional.
  30. Chase Di’ck
  31. Pierce your ni’pples.
  32. Wear cheap perfume. Don’t touch anything that’s not genuine designer.
  33. Use profan’ity in any situation where your toe is not stubbed.
  34. Be surprised when a man is unable to read you mind.
  35. Assume that a stay-at-home mom doesn’t “work.”
  36. Tell your man, “You really didn’t have to.” (He did. He really, really did.)
  37. Shave off your eyebrows only to redraw them with a pencil… it makes no sense
  38. Expose your br’a straps in public.
  39. Wear too much make up; you end up looking like a cheap who’re.
  40. Wear a vest or sleeveless top without shaving your armpits or without a br’a underneath
  41. Leave chipped nail polish to wear off on its own, there’s a reason why they sell nail polish remover.
  42. If you can’t afford good quality human hair, don’t bother.
  43. Acrylic nails are so 2002. Wear your natural nails or apply Gel Nails. Simple is sexy.
  44. Do things for a man with a hope of getting something in return, expectations are dangerous. Do it because you simply want to.
  45. Contradict what your man says – in public.
  46. Stalk the man that left you for the other woman
  47. Share your best friend’s personal life with every Tom, Di’ck and Harry.
  48. Act on distress in relationships like checking your man’s phone, nagging him to death, and acting like a paranoid freak.
  49. Stop obsessing over your body. It’s good to eat healthy and work out but let’s leave it at that.
  50. Over-accessorize. Stop looking like a Christmas tree.
  51. Leave home without lip-gloss, your phone and most of all, your dignity.
  52. Leave your used sani’tary towel in the toilet for the next person to see. Women please!
  53. Wear very high heels if you can’t do the Naomi Campbell walk. You look like a drunk grasshopper.
  54. Wear short skirts and low cut tops when off to an interview. You will create the wrong impression.
  55. Lie to your man about your age.
  56. Going to bed without washing and moisturizing your face.
  57. Not carry a handbag after the age of 17.
  58. Forget your parent’s birthdays.
  59. Skipping gyna check ups. See your gyna at least once every year.
  60. And finally, ‘Never wish to be like any other woman. There are others out there envying you for who you are‘

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